Sunday, September 19, 2010


I am so thankful God gave us our children. I feel like being a mother is definately what I was born to do. I do not think I am a perfect mother by any means. I know I could do a lot of things different or better.

Some people don't understand what a woman's body goes through during a pregnancy. It's not easy growing a person. Often times you might hear me say "my back hurts" or "I'm tired". I am not complaining. I do not regret getting pregnant. All my boys were planned pregnancies. It's just hard to keep smiling through all this discomfort.

I do not like asking for help. I do not like relying on others to do things for me. I am a very independent person and it's hard for me to sit down and rest when I should. So I push myself too far doing things around the house and then I am miserable later and useless to my children. So I have to pick the things that are most important like meals and bathtime.

As I get farther along and my body gets bigger it's hard for me to do much of anything. I have to use the handicapped wheelchairs at walmart to shop for groceries. My stomach hurts most of the time when I'm standing, as well as my back. That's just stating facts, not complaining. I am not physically able to do all that I wish I could.

My new bed is our recliner and I stay in it most of the day. Getting up only to use the bathroom and potty training Jonah. I get up to cook a quick meal and back to the recliner. I fold a load of clothes and back in the recliner.

And I struggle with guilt for not being able to do more with my boys. I think it's the devil trying to make me feel guilty. I just keep telling myself it's only for a short time. We are counting down the days until this baby arrives.

I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining if you hear me say how uncomfortable I am. There are those who aren't able to have children and I really feel bad for them.

Just don't ask me "how are you?" and I just need to learn to keep it to myself I guess.