Saturday, January 21, 2012

Letting Go...

I set high expectations for myself and never reach my goals. I have good intentions but when I can't complete my "To Do List" I beat myself up for it. I want my house be perfect, spotless and organized.
It sounds so crazy as I type because I know that's impossible with 4 children. I want all the papers on my desk to be filed in the correct place. I want to create and plan crafts for my kids but never do. I read online and get tons of ideas but never follow through with them.
Keeping up with the check book and making sure bills get paid is priority over the other paperwork.
I want to get on a regular cleaning schedule with sweeping and mopping and vacuuming.
Chris washes clothes almost daily and they stay piled up on the couch most of the time until I feel so guilty I make myself fold them.
Most of this sounds like normal things most people probably have under control. I guess it's the lack of sleep that makes me unable to focus. I feel like I'm in a fog. I try to sit down and work on something and just can't muster up the energy. I need to prepare for taxes but haven't started yet. I need to research homeschooling curriculum but haven't done it yet. I drink caffeine to stay awake and feel like I'm in survival mode most days just making sure everyone is fed and bathed.

I need to stop giving Justus milk bottles in the bed but I haven't. It's my fault he's still on the bottle and not fully transitioned to milk in a cup. I have been slacking on that too. If I could just get a good 7 hours of sleep every night I am sure I'd be able to skip napping with the kids and really knock out all of that stuff while they sleep 2 hours each day. So every night I pray for God to make the children stay asleep so I can get some sleep too. I have high hopes that tonight will be better than last night. But Justus is teething and also is croupy today so sleep is not really happening much.

I have to learn to let go of the things that aren't important and focus on what needs to be done. The rest can wait. I shouldn't be so hard on myself and then I wouldn't feel so guilty for the lack of accomplishment. It's a vicious cycle I need to break and I am determined....